Love Will Set You Free...

We have picked up the work, and we do what we can to watch and pray. The patterns seen by the first continue. This time, however, no one has forced us to do this, he greatest blow to all of humanity has been to destroy the truth. Men make children from one bed to the next. These children grow up without the love of that man. The men move through life without learning the power of loving through the eyes of their children. Woman have become strong resilient, unbreakable. In many respects this is good, for who will care for the children if they are too weak to do so? But their hearts have hardened to the peace that surpasses understanding. They go from one man to the next looking for the love that they didn't find in the last. Hardened by the cycle of their life, they turn away from their mother's love, who in their later years find the true meaning of this life. Unable to connect, these women, mothers, and daughters, and sisters, are not able to pass what the learned to one another. Passion rules the day, and love must be held at bay. Even the sweetness of our passion is kept secret because we have now learned shame and hatred over humanity and peace. We can no longer merely watch and record. The chosen ones must stand up and be counted. We must be the light for others to see. We must stand in the gaps. It's time to speak truth to power, to walk in love boldly. Fear no one. Tell of the peace that comes in knowing who we are and whose we are. Love your children. They don't have to come from you to belong to you. Love your parents. They have hurt in ways that you won't because they loved you. Love your mate. Spend as much time and energy keeping them as you did trying to get them. Love yourself and your community, your people. They are one in the same. Above all, love God, your creator, your maker. Love God more than you love his world and the things of this world. They will not last. But love never fails. When you get love, are walking in love, have learned to be loved, teach it to others. The time is now.Are you the one, the chosen? Will you walk with us? Will you stand in the power of love?

This passage is taken from Bertrice Berry's "Jim & Louella's Homemade Heart-Fix Remedy" and it touched my soul so deeply I had to put the book down and cry for a minute. Love conquerors all...

Sunday Randomness

*singing* Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me...all of my days

Trying to supress the feeling of home sickness creeping up

Thinking about actually sticking to my weight-loss New Year's Resolution this year

Thanking God for providing me with eternal friends

About to watch Waiting to Exhale (one of my favorite movies)

Day-dreaming about waffles, cheese eggs, and turkey bacon (Oooh Glory!!!)

Putting my feet on the path of my Purpose

A Glimpse Inside My Mind...(A Calandra Original)

Penned a few lines in class of something that was on my heart. This song explains it best:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QrrHJYxDyyA

Pornography distorting my mind. Clouding my thoughts. Fogging-up my judgement. My forbidden fruit, my kryptonite,my addiction forever. It perverts my thoughts on sex. What was once pure and ordained for marriage is now sick and twisted. Like Paul when I want to do good I end up doing wrong. Fingers typing without my consent. Thoughts being processed without my permission. Imagination bursting in without first knocking or being invited. "Jesus take this burden"I pray multiple times during the day. The enemy trying to steal my purity, trying to reduce the importance of my virginity. Curses being wrapped around my future because of my past actions. Just one drop of that Atonement blood will release me of my bonds and free me to live in the purpose He has for me. I want a long and blessed marriage. So I must walk the narrow path that many take. I want God's Favor. So I must remain near the Cross. What he meant for evil, God meant for good. His grace allows me too "confess my sins so I can be healed". Well let the healing begin! Jesus lifted the 2-ton weight off of my shoulders so now I can stand up straight.*breathes a heavy sigh of relief* Head held high and feet marching on towards the goal...

"Good and Bad Hair Whether You're Dark Or You're Fair...

Chris Rock was bold enough to make a documentary about a touchy (literally) subject within the black community : A Black Woman's Hair!! In his movie "Good Hair" he touches on an array of topics that Black females face everyday. Topics include : weave, natural-hair, perm, and the image that Black females project within the hair community. Also, the Bronner Brother's Hair Show and all its antics makes an appearance too.

First let me start by saying that I thought the movie was fantastic! It was funny to see our hair experiences broad-casted to a wider audience. Prior to me viewing the movie I had heard mixed reviews from twitter, facebook, and other blogs about the content of the movie. I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little skeptical upon entering the movie theatre. Aside from Chris Rock's hilarious narration and interviews the documentary was extremely enlightening. The good Reverend (Al Sharpton of course) brought up an excellent point in the movie: Black females contribute tremendously to the hair industry, so why aren't there more Black owned hair businesses? Better yet, why aren't we supporting the Black businesses that are in existence? *puts up church finger and excuses myself* Preach Reverend!! Black people have struggled with this "supporting our own" issue for centuries, and at some point it needs to be addressed in depth and handled properly.

Once I was told that I had "good hair". What does that mean? Isn't all hair good? Why isn't natural hair promoted as much as straight hair? (Natural hair is freedom by the way! lol) This movie peers into the way Black females in particular tie our self-esteem/confidence into our hair will do just about anything to make sure our hair is on point! Also how females (or the S.O.'s of said female) will pay astronomical amounts of money just to have their hair done. This movie is a must-see and a guaranteed laugh factory. India.Arie sang it best "I am not my hair!I am not my skin I am the soul that lives within!" If only 85% of the Black female population knew that truth...

The Risen King!

Hallelujah You have won the Victory! Hallelujah You have won it all for me! Death could not hold you down, You are the Risen King. Seated in Majesty, You are the Risen King!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hkAREE-h2Dc

Enough said! Waves of emotion crash over my body as I listen to this song over and over again. I am so thankful that I don't have to speak to a dead god. I serve a Living God and will not waste anymore outside of my Purpose. Death could not hold Him down...he defeated the grave just like we will defeat the enemy. The fight is fixed what am I scared of?? I claim the Victory in the Mighty Name of Jesus! Time to shed the cloak of fear the devil has draped heavily over my body. Time to step into the Light of God's Promise. I'm going on a journey...and I won't stop until I see His face!

Friendship Inventory

I woke up this morning and decided to write down the way I feel about my friendships. I listened to a minister named John Gray in church yesterday and he spoke about cutting off people who are not adding anything to your life. What is a friendship if there is no honesty present? Why are people so quick to surround themselves with "yes" people who do not have their best interests in mind? Our society breeds sugar-coating, passive people who cannot by any means handle the truth. I only know one other person (you know I'm talking about you) like me who is so real that it hurts. The truth always hurts though, can YOU handle the pain? Authentic friendships are very rare in contemporary times and it's about time they came back! If you ask then I will tell you my honest (operative word is honest) opinion. I'm sick and tired of being called rude or hostile because I voice the truth that everyone is trying to cover up. I will not be silenced (I never have been but you get the point)! I have some friends who are still not used to my honesty,our relationship will be dwindling rapidly. There is no time for mediocre friendships, if our relationship is parasitic then it's done. I'm on a mission to seek and spread the Truth. I you can't take the heat kindly excuse yourself from the kitchen.

The ultimate Friend (Jesus Christ) said it best: "Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends."(John 15:13). Would you?

Sunday Randomness

I'm really considering getting a tattoo on my wrist!

Papa Jones is in town! I am really learning a lot about him...

I'm not sure where I would be without God!

Why isn't it Columbus week I'm sure Christopher and 'em celebrated longer than a day when he made his discovery!

*singing like J-Hud* I aaaaaaam changing...(for the better of course)

That's all for now...

Restoration

I just had a nice long talk over Cuban food with my Daddy! I love him so much and I thank God everyday for the major changes He has made in my father. As I was listening to this man pour out his heart and emotions as freely as our waiter poured out water into our glasses, I just felt love. I came to the conclusion that God has the best sense of humor e.v.e.r. He ought to be a stand-up comedian. Just when I thought something was going one way He switches it to the opposite direction. Me: Okay cool this is going that way, God: Hahahahaha that's what she thinks! It is an honor and a privilege to serve such a humorous God and know that even when I am going through He has EVERYTHING in His control. He is truly the God of restoration and healing. I commit to willingly jump out of my comfort zone so I can see the true wonders and miracles of God. That's all for now...

10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1...BLAST OFF!!!

10 Things I Wish I Could Say To 10 Different People

**I was 2 seconds from putting the people who I wanted to say this to, but I figured it would defeat the purpose...lol**
1. I'm not nice when I'm annoyed, so please don't annoy me.

2. I'm just waiting for you to ask because the answer is yes.

3. Your actions made me lose a lot of respect for you.

4. It's not too late for you to change.

5. The life you are living is taken you down a road that was not meant for you.

6. Stop trying to be someone you are not, your fakeness disgusts me.

7. I don't want your man because if I did he would be mine already. (Forgive me Lord)

8. Your dependence on everybody but yourself boils my blood.

9. You don't have to run anymore, we're your family and we love you no matter what.

10. Just give it up because it is not worth your salvation.

9 Things About Myself

1. I have no filter on my mouth, as soon as I think it out of my mouth it flows.

2. I connect with males better than I do females.

3. I hate relationships but want to get married.

4. I have the mindset of a 33 year old.

5. I have visions of things that always come to pass that same day or a couple days later.

6. I want to record a song in a professional studio.

7. I learn songs as soon as I hear them.

8. I consider my brother to be my father because he was there when my father wasn't.

9. If I have children I want all boys.

8 Ways To Win My Heart

1. Just be yourself (trying to be overly macho will have you seeing the back of my head as I walk away before you remember my face good)

2. Be able to sing me to sleep.

3. Be able to show some emotion (I have no problem with seeing a guy cry).

4. Treat your Mom and the females in you family like queens (that is a direct representation of how you will treat me).

5. Be truly rooted in God (nothing attracts me more than seeing a guy who is not afraid to give God some genuine praise).

6. Don't suffocate my personality with yours.

7. Be able to kiss so good my socks come off (even if I'm not wearing any).

8. Be an intellectual and thirst for knowledge constantly.

7 Things That Cross My Mind Often

1. Jesus when are you coming back?

2. Why am I such a loner?

3. I need to lose some weight.

4. What a much better world it would be if everyone was as real as me.

5. God give me strength.

6. Hmmm I think I'm a racist, since I can count on one hand the number of white people I like.

7. Some of these college chillrun need their butts beat!

6 Things I Do Before You Go To Sleep

1. Oil my hair.

2. Brush my teeth.

3. Listen to music.

4. Go on Facebook.

5. Talk to my Mom.

6. Put a bandu on my hair.

5 People I Couldn't Live Without

1. My Mom!

2. My Siblings

3. My Aunts

4. My nieces/nephews

5. God

4 Things I'm Wearing Right Now

1. Multi-colored bandu

2. Obama shirt

3. Sweatpants

4.Headphones

3 Songs That Fit My Life Perfectly

1. "Woman Like Me" by Beyonce

2. "I Am Ready for Love" by India.Arie

3. "You Never Let Me Down" by Marvin Winans Jr.

2 Things I Want To Do Before I Die

1. Visit Africa.

2. Live in a different country for at least two years.

1 Confession

Before I am 30 I want my whole left are full of tattoos that pertain to music.

From the depths of my heart

The temps say "Papa was a rolling stone, where ever he laid his hat was his home" but what if my Papa never stopped rolling long enough to make a home where we could become one and be one family unit. When Papa divorced Mama he also divorced us kids and now we have chosen to divorce you.

There is no need for lengthy court proceedings or Johnnie Cochran-esque lawyers because it's all a mutual agreement. You don't call me and I don't call you, now every body's happy (well at least I am). Since I refuse to do things I don't want to do:

No I didn't show up to your wedding to a lady who I was never properly introduced to because I didn't like the bride or the groom.

No I will not speak to you when you call, Mama taught me not to speak to strangers.

No I can't see myself respecting what you say because my Mom and Dad are embodied in one person, you're just extra.

I'm not sure why you don't understand where this is coming from. You brought this on yourself!

Yes I am pissed when I didn't get a call on my birthday but instead an annually late card.

Yup I am confused at how you and my Mom were married but I still feel like I was raised in a single-parent home.

Of course I am enraged that you sat back in your weak state and allowed my mother to raise us to the best of her ability and then you want to criticize how we were brought up.

Don't mistake my passion for hate. I would actually have to acknowledge your existence to hate you. I don't so I don't...from the depths of my heart.

*disclaimer* My father and I recently reconciled, but this was on my heart and can now be released in love*

My Ode to Chocolate Brothers (A Calandra Original)

I have seen a surplus of fine chocolate brothas lately so I had to drop a few lines to express my appreciation. India sings it best:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_4ynkfLg5o (please open in a new tab)

There is something about chocolate skinned brothers that attracts me to no end. Whether they have no hair, dreds, or a high top fade, seeing their smooth skin is the highlight of my day. Their skin reminds me of slightly melted Hershey's chocolate smooth with a little bit of gloss. Lawd Jesus don't let them have pearly whites to match. The white color of their teeth contrasted against that skin, constantly sends my whole world in a spin. I can only imagine chocolate colored Kings and Princes in the Motherland, commanding tribes with a spear in hand. I think I have seen the light, but ironically it is dark. If they say light skin is in then I want to be out, because without a doubt dark-skinned brothers are the finest people out. This is my dedicated ode to chocolate brothers all around the globe.

Evolving

As I poured over the happenings of my week I focused on one word : change. Vibe to this as you read my thoughts:
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZMv5JN-xq0 (open in a new window please)

Do you know how to measure a change? It's when you can recognize yourself responding to issues/problems in a completely different way. I have been praying for change for a long time but I personally did not see it. I didn't see it because I was not being tested in it. Recently, I received a text from someone I had a falling out with and hadn't spoken to in months. The text was dripping with immaturity and sarcasm. I could have responded to it in an equally immature way and stooped to their level but something in me just said "let it go". OMG(oodness)!!! I cannot believe that I didn't respond. Insert *change* here.

It's such a wonderful feeling to acknowledge and embrace change. No longer am I stuck in the past with my insecurities or hurts holding me back. Change is something that most people run away from. Everyone gets comfortable in their stagnant positions and are annoyed when something comes to rock the boat. If people were more open to the fact of change , then when it comes it wouldn't be such a shocker. Liberation is key and I desire greatly to be liberated from complacent people who are doing nothing with their lives. Like a caterpillar that has just transformed into a butterfly; I am breaking out of my cocoon and allowing God to truly change me.

3 things that I embrace openly: 1) Everything happens for a reason. *If it's bad I try and learn from it*. 2) Some relationships are not meant to last forever. *You don't really see how bad a relationship,be it friendship or intimate, is until you remove yourself from it.* (last but definitely not least) 3) Change is GREAT. *Change has opened up so many new doors and opportunities for me it's unbelievable.* That's all for now...

My Ode To Books...

I just finished reading Alice Walker's The Color Purple and a thought popped into my head: books allow me to escape into a world that is all my own.

Natasha Bedingfield embodied what I was thinking:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2XcqKaXDIY (open in a new tab)

I have to thank my parents for encouraging me to read outside of my mandatory school books. I'm saddened by the lack of reading that I see (or don't see for that matter) in the younger generation. I love books so much just for the simple fact that they allow me to leave my present situation and go somewhere else (even if only for a short time). Every time I read a book it seems like a movie screen drops in front of my eyes and I can see the book being played out. How well I can see the movie is how I judge how well an author writes.

Zora Neal Hurston's Their Eyes Were Watching God is my favorite book of all time because I felt like I was everywhere the characters were. I cried when they cried, was scared when they were, and shared in their joyous moments like they actually happened to me. J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series are some of my favorite books also because she thrusts the reader deeper into the plot with each sentence. J.K allows us (the reader) to experience every spell, potion, and adventurous trip she makes the characters go through.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not one to ever run from a fight or confrontation (my family, friends, and non-friends *enemies is such an ugly word* can attest to that) but sometimes I just want to be somewhere only I know about. Books are like a mental tree house that I can climb into and just chill. Nothing bothers me when I am reading, books blanket the world and bring me peace. So you could call this my thank you letter to books. Books (if you're listening...lol) thank you so much for helping me to leave any drama, sorrow, or boring classes (yes I do read in the middle of lectures) temporarily and receiving me into your world with open arms. I know our relationship will be for eternity.That's all for now...

A Forgotten Death...

As I was sitting in my room a thought popped into my head, the following is the thought manifsted into a spoken-word piece. Catch this vibe as you meander over my thoughts:

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hY7UG3BFilA (open in a new tab)

As we mourned for the death of one friend we forgot about the other. We cried for hip-hop when it was becoming to commercial and its authenticity was judged on rims instead of rhymes. We sucked our teeth and shook our head as hip-hop was murdered right in front of our eyes. We "Yuuuled" and "Sholda Leaned" hip-hop right into the grave.

Nas made a song about it, friends talked about it, and devout fans cried about it. But where was the mourning and weeping for R&B. Why was there no outcry about the death of this much needed pillar in the music world.

Why was it that no good R&B crossed into the new millennium?? I thought the computer systems were supposed to crash in Y2K not R&B! SWV, Blackstreet, 702, Next, Escape, Boyz II Men, En Vogue, Case, Monifah, Donnell Jones, Lauryn Hill , Jodeci, Total, and Shai got swallowed up in the wave of the ending of the 90's.

Now don't get me wrong there are still some good R&B artists out now but... where is the substance? Why am I not able to feel any emotion from these songs? As I sit in my nostalgic state, I drop into a depression so deep that I just might not make it out.

I scourer the radio looking for good music but my search is in vain. So now I pay my respects to my fallen friend R&B...I throw roses on its grave and pray that just as Jesus was resurrected it will rise again too. That's all for now...

The Life Cycle...(A Calandra Original)

This is a piece I wrote for a spoken-word show I was in...

As you read please enjoy these melodic sounds:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J04B4RH2JFo (open in a new tab please)

When I was born I came through a flesh womb but when I went through my second womb it was not of the flesh but it was of the Spirit.
So let’s switch realms for a minute and focus on the spiritual rather than the physical.
When I came out of the womb of the Blessed Trinity I had to be nurtured, fed, and cared for. But babies grow up and they begin to crawl and try to fend for themselves.
They stumble around a little bit, they fall, they cry but they know they have their protectors’ arms to run back to. One has to wonder how a baby tries to walk before they can crawl.

Why was I trying to take steps when the muscles in my legs weren’t even formed properly? Why was I trying to formulate words and full grown sentences when my vocal box wasn’t even developed?
So I had to go back to the womb, the place where it all began and begin my journey again. Alright I’m a toddler now I‘ve past my baby stage, I’m able to resist the big bully in the sandbox and his many mean friends. When he tries to steal my lunch money, I can now stop him with just one word: JESUS!
Now I’ve met other toddlers on the playground and we are determined to reach our preteen years in Christ. I’m able to read now and comprehend what I am seeing. The Bible makes sense to me, it’s not just a bunch of letters and numbers and red words.

After many tests and humbling experiences I’ve made it to my preteen years, but why am I still stumbling and crawling on the ground. I know right from wrong, no longer can I be labeled as ignorant because I’ve seen the truth with my own eyes.
Why am I still eating baby food when I am old enough to cook my own nourishing meals? Why am I allowing my flesh to rapidly turn back the hands of time and decrease my age in the Spirit? When my Spirit reached high school age, I had to remove myself from some people whose Spirits weren’t born and had no desire of being born. They didn’t do their homework or read over the required text. They clutched ever so tightly to that umbilical cord of sin which is removed when you are re-born.

When a child gets lost it is never the parents who move it is the child venturing off into unknown territory that they have no business going into. Is it possible to stray so far from God and still be alive? Did He know I would come back? Was this the plan all along, to have me leave and then return with a stronger thirst for God and be able to stand up straight.

With upright positioned shoulders and my head held high I finally realize that I’m grown now and my strength in the spiritual realm reflects in the physical realm. The same physical realm where I must have a funeral for my flesh every day.
I repeat a repentant eulogy daily that if anyone else heard it they would call it a prayer.

As I look back over my life and how far I’ve come in God, I realize the importance and necessity of The Life Cycle.

E-Drama + E-Thuggin = E-Bullish

So while I was in my favorite spots (youtube, blogtv, facebook) I noticed that I was surrounded by a lot of e-drama. Lawd I need some calming music to soothe me as I write this bad boy. Come on and jam with me for a second: (shout-out to my bestie/twinny Jen who gave me this music idea)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y78Q6eTrOIY (please open in a new tab)


Notice that everything has an e- in front of so you know that is the first of many problems that I must address. Why are we so attracted to mess and drama that we create even in the cyber-world. It cracks me up how it is not even a real world yet drama always finds it way there. B.Scott calls them e-ballers(haters who gain balls when they get behind their computer) but I call them e-idiots! Why can't we just have a good time online without some cornball saying something immature, ignorant, irrelevant or a mixture of all three? People flock to e-drama (I am guilty of flocking my self) and feed the fires that need to be extinguished instead of further ignited. Are people so bored with their lives that they must create insecure mayhem and confusion wherever they go. I hate when an e-idiot is talking all this trash and then they end up being some pimply-faced nerd from somewhere like Minnesota or South Dakota. Like are you serious?!?!? Is this what makes you happy and excited...starting e-drama from behind the comfort zone of your compute screen. Now I'm no fool so I know that sometimes e-drama can not be avoided but must be met head-on. In those circumstances I feel that the problem needs to be resolved in the most mature and adult way possible. So a word to the wise (or un-wise in the e-idiot's case) is DO NOT (and I repeat do-not) say anything online to someone you know you would never say something crazy to in person. Close your little lap-top or shutdown your desktop and stop starting ish that you know you would never be involved with in the real world! That's all for now...

My POTUS is black...

My elation for President Obama's win was through the roof! A black President are you serious?!?! Someone pinch me because I must be dreaming (don't really pinch me because I'll jack you up). Even as young as I am I NEVER thought that I would see a person of color be the President. Unfortunately people believe that he is the Messiah, and he is not. He is a mere human just like us, so ease up on the brother (oooh it feels so good to say brother). Republicans desperately want to see him fail and are constantly throwing monkey wrenches in his plans. I shake my head at least 50 times a day at the petty, childish, and futile attempts that RR's (racist republicans if you were wondering) do everyday to deter PO from his goal. Why in 2009 is it still like this? Am I missing something?? The very ones who were pushing for country loyalty and promoting respect for the President (in Bush's term of course) are now disrespecting the person who holds the highest position in THEIR country. Come on, that seems like a double standard to me. Now, I'm neither naive or looking through rose-colored glasses so I realize that racism will always exist but it just seems pointless to waste time rejecting every bill that PO puts on the table. Oh please hold on while I calculate the long list of Repubs. who accepted PO's stimulus package. *scanning an empty paper* Yeah so after countless hours of reading the list, it seems that there wasn't a single Repub who accepted the bill. WHAT??? That has never happened in all the years of America having a President. Hmmm what a coincidinky that it just so happens to occur when the President is black. Gosh-golly what a shocker. Smh @ the people who still deny that the Republicans were not being racist. The only thing I dislike more than racism is the blatant denial of racism when it is so present. That's all for now...