10,9,8,7,6,5,4,3,2,1...BLAST OFF!!!

10 Things I Wish I Could Say To 10 Different People

**I was 2 seconds from putting the people who I wanted to say this to, but I figured it would defeat the purpose...lol**
1. I'm not nice when I'm annoyed, so please don't annoy me.

2. I'm just waiting for you to ask because the answer is yes.

3. Your actions made me lose a lot of respect for you.

4. It's not too late for you to change.

5. The life you are living is taken you down a road that was not meant for you.

6. Stop trying to be someone you are not, your fakeness disgusts me.

7. I don't want your man because if I did he would be mine already. (Forgive me Lord)

8. Your dependence on everybody but yourself boils my blood.

9. You don't have to run anymore, we're your family and we love you no matter what.

10. Just give it up because it is not worth your salvation.

9 Things About Myself

1. I have no filter on my mouth, as soon as I think it out of my mouth it flows.

2. I connect with males better than I do females.

3. I hate relationships but want to get married.

4. I have the mindset of a 33 year old.

5. I have visions of things that always come to pass that same day or a couple days later.

6. I want to record a song in a professional studio.

7. I learn songs as soon as I hear them.

8. I consider my brother to be my father because he was there when my father wasn't.

9. If I have children I want all boys.

8 Ways To Win My Heart

1. Just be yourself (trying to be overly macho will have you seeing the back of my head as I walk away before you remember my face good)

2. Be able to sing me to sleep.

3. Be able to show some emotion (I have no problem with seeing a guy cry).

4. Treat your Mom and the females in you family like queens (that is a direct representation of how you will treat me).

5. Be truly rooted in God (nothing attracts me more than seeing a guy who is not afraid to give God some genuine praise).

6. Don't suffocate my personality with yours.

7. Be able to kiss so good my socks come off (even if I'm not wearing any).

8. Be an intellectual and thirst for knowledge constantly.

7 Things That Cross My Mind Often

1. Jesus when are you coming back?

2. Why am I such a loner?

3. I need to lose some weight.

4. What a much better world it would be if everyone was as real as me.

5. God give me strength.

6. Hmmm I think I'm a racist, since I can count on one hand the number of white people I like.

7. Some of these college chillrun need their butts beat!

6 Things I Do Before You Go To Sleep

1. Oil my hair.

2. Brush my teeth.

3. Listen to music.

4. Go on Facebook.

5. Talk to my Mom.

6. Put a bandu on my hair.

5 People I Couldn't Live Without

1. My Mom!

2. My Siblings

3. My Aunts

4. My nieces/nephews

5. God

4 Things I'm Wearing Right Now

1. Multi-colored bandu

2. Obama shirt

3. Sweatpants

4.Headphones

3 Songs That Fit My Life Perfectly

1. "Woman Like Me" by Beyonce

2. "I Am Ready for Love" by India.Arie

3. "You Never Let Me Down" by Marvin Winans Jr.

2 Things I Want To Do Before I Die

1. Visit Africa.

2. Live in a different country for at least two years.

1 Confession

Before I am 30 I want my whole left are full of tattoos that pertain to music.

From the depths of my heart

The temps say "Papa was a rolling stone, where ever he laid his hat was his home" but what if my Papa never stopped rolling long enough to make a home where we could become one and be one family unit. When Papa divorced Mama he also divorced us kids and now we have chosen to divorce you.

There is no need for lengthy court proceedings or Johnnie Cochran-esque lawyers because it's all a mutual agreement. You don't call me and I don't call you, now every body's happy (well at least I am). Since I refuse to do things I don't want to do:

No I didn't show up to your wedding to a lady who I was never properly introduced to because I didn't like the bride or the groom.

No I will not speak to you when you call, Mama taught me not to speak to strangers.

No I can't see myself respecting what you say because my Mom and Dad are embodied in one person, you're just extra.

I'm not sure why you don't understand where this is coming from. You brought this on yourself!

Yes I am pissed when I didn't get a call on my birthday but instead an annually late card.

Yup I am confused at how you and my Mom were married but I still feel like I was raised in a single-parent home.

Of course I am enraged that you sat back in your weak state and allowed my mother to raise us to the best of her ability and then you want to criticize how we were brought up.

Don't mistake my passion for hate. I would actually have to acknowledge your existence to hate you. I don't so I don't...from the depths of my heart.

*disclaimer* My father and I recently reconciled, but this was on my heart and can now be released in love*

My Ode to Chocolate Brothers (A Calandra Original)

I have seen a surplus of fine chocolate brothas lately so I had to drop a few lines to express my appreciation. India sings it best:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q_4ynkfLg5o (please open in a new tab)

There is something about chocolate skinned brothers that attracts me to no end. Whether they have no hair, dreds, or a high top fade, seeing their smooth skin is the highlight of my day. Their skin reminds me of slightly melted Hershey's chocolate smooth with a little bit of gloss. Lawd Jesus don't let them have pearly whites to match. The white color of their teeth contrasted against that skin, constantly sends my whole world in a spin. I can only imagine chocolate colored Kings and Princes in the Motherland, commanding tribes with a spear in hand. I think I have seen the light, but ironically it is dark. If they say light skin is in then I want to be out, because without a doubt dark-skinned brothers are the finest people out. This is my dedicated ode to chocolate brothers all around the globe.

Evolving

As I poured over the happenings of my week I focused on one word : change. Vibe to this as you read my thoughts:
http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5ZMv5JN-xq0 (open in a new window please)

Do you know how to measure a change? It's when you can recognize yourself responding to issues/problems in a completely different way. I have been praying for change for a long time but I personally did not see it. I didn't see it because I was not being tested in it. Recently, I received a text from someone I had a falling out with and hadn't spoken to in months. The text was dripping with immaturity and sarcasm. I could have responded to it in an equally immature way and stooped to their level but something in me just said "let it go". OMG(oodness)!!! I cannot believe that I didn't respond. Insert *change* here.

It's such a wonderful feeling to acknowledge and embrace change. No longer am I stuck in the past with my insecurities or hurts holding me back. Change is something that most people run away from. Everyone gets comfortable in their stagnant positions and are annoyed when something comes to rock the boat. If people were more open to the fact of change , then when it comes it wouldn't be such a shocker. Liberation is key and I desire greatly to be liberated from complacent people who are doing nothing with their lives. Like a caterpillar that has just transformed into a butterfly; I am breaking out of my cocoon and allowing God to truly change me.

3 things that I embrace openly: 1) Everything happens for a reason. *If it's bad I try and learn from it*. 2) Some relationships are not meant to last forever. *You don't really see how bad a relationship,be it friendship or intimate, is until you remove yourself from it.* (last but definitely not least) 3) Change is GREAT. *Change has opened up so many new doors and opportunities for me it's unbelievable.* That's all for now...

My Ode To Books...

I just finished reading Alice Walker's The Color Purple and a thought popped into my head: books allow me to escape into a world that is all my own.

Natasha Bedingfield embodied what I was thinking:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w2XcqKaXDIY (open in a new tab)

I have to thank my parents for encouraging me to read outside of my mandatory school books. I'm saddened by the lack of reading that I see (or don't see for that matter) in the younger generation. I love books so much just for the simple fact that they allow me to leave my present situation and go somewhere else (even if only for a short time). Every time I read a book it seems like a movie screen drops in front of my eyes and I can see the book being played out. How well I can see the movie is how I judge how well an author writes.

Zora Neal Hurston's Their Eyes Were Watching God is my favorite book of all time because I felt like I was everywhere the characters were. I cried when they cried, was scared when they were, and shared in their joyous moments like they actually happened to me. J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter series are some of my favorite books also because she thrusts the reader deeper into the plot with each sentence. J.K allows us (the reader) to experience every spell, potion, and adventurous trip she makes the characters go through.

Now don't get me wrong I'm not one to ever run from a fight or confrontation (my family, friends, and non-friends *enemies is such an ugly word* can attest to that) but sometimes I just want to be somewhere only I know about. Books are like a mental tree house that I can climb into and just chill. Nothing bothers me when I am reading, books blanket the world and bring me peace. So you could call this my thank you letter to books. Books (if you're listening...lol) thank you so much for helping me to leave any drama, sorrow, or boring classes (yes I do read in the middle of lectures) temporarily and receiving me into your world with open arms. I know our relationship will be for eternity.That's all for now...

A Forgotten Death...

As I was sitting in my room a thought popped into my head, the following is the thought manifsted into a spoken-word piece. Catch this vibe as you meander over my thoughts:

http://http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hY7UG3BFilA (open in a new tab)

As we mourned for the death of one friend we forgot about the other. We cried for hip-hop when it was becoming to commercial and its authenticity was judged on rims instead of rhymes. We sucked our teeth and shook our head as hip-hop was murdered right in front of our eyes. We "Yuuuled" and "Sholda Leaned" hip-hop right into the grave.

Nas made a song about it, friends talked about it, and devout fans cried about it. But where was the mourning and weeping for R&B. Why was there no outcry about the death of this much needed pillar in the music world.

Why was it that no good R&B crossed into the new millennium?? I thought the computer systems were supposed to crash in Y2K not R&B! SWV, Blackstreet, 702, Next, Escape, Boyz II Men, En Vogue, Case, Monifah, Donnell Jones, Lauryn Hill , Jodeci, Total, and Shai got swallowed up in the wave of the ending of the 90's.

Now don't get me wrong there are still some good R&B artists out now but... where is the substance? Why am I not able to feel any emotion from these songs? As I sit in my nostalgic state, I drop into a depression so deep that I just might not make it out.

I scourer the radio looking for good music but my search is in vain. So now I pay my respects to my fallen friend R&B...I throw roses on its grave and pray that just as Jesus was resurrected it will rise again too. That's all for now...

The Life Cycle...(A Calandra Original)

This is a piece I wrote for a spoken-word show I was in...

As you read please enjoy these melodic sounds:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J04B4RH2JFo (open in a new tab please)

When I was born I came through a flesh womb but when I went through my second womb it was not of the flesh but it was of the Spirit.
So let’s switch realms for a minute and focus on the spiritual rather than the physical.
When I came out of the womb of the Blessed Trinity I had to be nurtured, fed, and cared for. But babies grow up and they begin to crawl and try to fend for themselves.
They stumble around a little bit, they fall, they cry but they know they have their protectors’ arms to run back to. One has to wonder how a baby tries to walk before they can crawl.

Why was I trying to take steps when the muscles in my legs weren’t even formed properly? Why was I trying to formulate words and full grown sentences when my vocal box wasn’t even developed?
So I had to go back to the womb, the place where it all began and begin my journey again. Alright I’m a toddler now I‘ve past my baby stage, I’m able to resist the big bully in the sandbox and his many mean friends. When he tries to steal my lunch money, I can now stop him with just one word: JESUS!
Now I’ve met other toddlers on the playground and we are determined to reach our preteen years in Christ. I’m able to read now and comprehend what I am seeing. The Bible makes sense to me, it’s not just a bunch of letters and numbers and red words.

After many tests and humbling experiences I’ve made it to my preteen years, but why am I still stumbling and crawling on the ground. I know right from wrong, no longer can I be labeled as ignorant because I’ve seen the truth with my own eyes.
Why am I still eating baby food when I am old enough to cook my own nourishing meals? Why am I allowing my flesh to rapidly turn back the hands of time and decrease my age in the Spirit? When my Spirit reached high school age, I had to remove myself from some people whose Spirits weren’t born and had no desire of being born. They didn’t do their homework or read over the required text. They clutched ever so tightly to that umbilical cord of sin which is removed when you are re-born.

When a child gets lost it is never the parents who move it is the child venturing off into unknown territory that they have no business going into. Is it possible to stray so far from God and still be alive? Did He know I would come back? Was this the plan all along, to have me leave and then return with a stronger thirst for God and be able to stand up straight.

With upright positioned shoulders and my head held high I finally realize that I’m grown now and my strength in the spiritual realm reflects in the physical realm. The same physical realm where I must have a funeral for my flesh every day.
I repeat a repentant eulogy daily that if anyone else heard it they would call it a prayer.

As I look back over my life and how far I’ve come in God, I realize the importance and necessity of The Life Cycle.